Wow! What a feeling we are bringing our little girl home for the first time. They ride home was quiet. We were both glad to be getting home, but also nervous to be without expertrs at our fingertips. We half expected the nurses to run after us shouting, "WAIT! We made a mistake! You are not ready to be alone with that precious baby! You have no idea what you are doing!" But, they didn't, we were free to leave. Once we got inside we introduced the dog to the baby and he just sniffed at gave a little kiss. Zeus, the dog was really ticked at me for being gone so long.
The dog knew something was up the night before I went into labor. Alll of a sudden he started pushing at my belly like a crazed maniac. Sure enough it was the next morning that it all started. So he was mad at me for not bringing him along I guess.
The first night went well. She only got up to eat. I just want to watch her sleep. We cheered her on whe she pooed or peed. She had jaundice so she was getting formula as well as breastmilk. This was nice because at night Andy could help with the feedings. We started sleeping in shifts. He would let me sleep until midnight and I would take from then on. We were affraid to close our eyes on baby watch.
Everyone is coming to help, which means they are coming to hold Zoe. I can't eat or sleep or stop crying. The doctors are making me talk to someone. How embarrassing. This only made me feel worse. Here is this tiny fragile baby I am responsible for and I can't even keep a plant alive let alone remember to feed it. I spent 9 months with her in my tummy, connected to me feeling what I feel, and in a few short hours she was out. That's it the end of my existance, the end of this special bond, and I'm supposed to NOT cry? I hadn't slept in days, I still weigh the same as I did durring pregnancy, my body hurts everywhere and you don't see people in pain when they breast feed in the movies or on tv, and it hurts! Labor is not a fun thing to do either, it was traumatising. Any one who told me, "You won't remember the pain, you'll forget all about labor"... crazy talk! I don't think I will ever forget. I made Andy promise in the delivery room some where in between forbidding him to breathe, that I would never have to do this again. Although the end result is amazing, a miricle, so I see why people do it over and over again.
So, I gave in I went to talk to a post pregnancy shrink. I didn't know what to say. I sat there for a while. Apparently I have OCD-but don't we all. She gave me something for the baby blues and anxiety. I was told I could still breatsfeed because it only caused learning dissabilities in a 1 in a million chance. Needless to say I switched to only formula. I got into an accident with a parked car I was so frazzled after that appointment.
Zoe has been home for 3 weeks now. She has colic and gas issues. Thank God that was figured out. Now the poor thing can rest. As for me I know I am shutting my eyes, but as far as for real sleep not happening. I can't believe that men get to just return back to their normal lives. Golfing, fishing, and sleeping. I haven't left the house except for doctor appointments. I just can't leave her side.
We decided we were going to go to my mothers house for a visit. When we got there she asked us to get the stroller so
we could take a walk along the beach...We forgot the stroller. There was a little chill in the air and my brother asked, "Al, do you need baby socks or something? Want me to go buy some for Zoe?" OMG! I did not put socks on the baby! It was like I could hear the oscar music and a voice saying, "...And the worst mother of the year goes to..." Meanwhile my cousin was over with his six month old doing everything right.
In fact I could not hear a sentance without, "Dino does this with Ashton-", or "That's not the way Dino does it." PUHLEASE! ENOUGH! No more free advice! Tell you what if I need advice I will ask.
Zoe is 1 months old now. People hardly ever come over now. It's so nice just baby, Andy, Zeus and me. Now we have our little routines. She sleeps a little longer at night so we don't sleep in shifts anymore. I love dressing her up. She has sooo many clothes it's so fun. She really likes her bath and she is starting to recognisze certain things. I can't believe I have to go back to work. How am I supposed to be away from her? Has it really been a month since I left the house? My work pants don't even fit me anymore. I don't think I can do this.
(part 3 coming soon)