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Silently Screaming Coping With Anxiety

ally By ally on
Badge: Publisher | Level: 5 | Other Health & Wellness Expertise:

Until you experience anxiety yourself, it is hard to know exactly how painful it is. Anxiety can feel like many things to different people. To me it feels like death. My blood starts rushing through my veins at an uncontrolled rate, making my heart want to explode. What air I am able to inhale in between gasps is shallow and painful. My breathing becomes so ubrupt and fast that after the attack is over, my ribs hurt for days. I feel jittery, hot, cold, and if I could peel my skin off I would. Inside I scream. I look around feeling as if everyone knows what is going on inside me. Feeling like every one knows and thinks I am crazy. Looking through my eyes durring an anxiety moment you would see everything around me going at the speed of light and I am somewhere lost in the fastness going slower than humanly possible. I sometimes feel the need to tell everyone I can get in touch with that I am freaking out, only to feel like a fool afterwards, thus bringing on another attack. There are times when I can't leave the house, and times when it is just the opposite and I pace until the floor is worn.

I have seen specialists, I have taken every medication ever created it seams like, but no healing. I know all the breathing and meditations that help durring an attack. I actually think myself quite the expert on how to solve anxiety. That is, until it is me in the moment of anxiety. You can read every book, take every breath, say every medidtation, but when your mind is a million places at once, there is no reasoning with yourself.

I will say that the things that I have found to help are staying busy, playing with Zoe, praying, organizing things, counting things, writting, and yes the one technique that works no matter how big or small your attack is, walking. Whatever the excersize may be, it will get your endorphines back up to the levels you need to neutralize the imbalance. Part of my problem is that my body produces too much adrenaline. One doctor told me that excersize helps with this because you take in more oxygen weather you like it or not while working out.

One day I hope to overcome this crippling anxiety. It will not win though, I still have to to my daily tasks, I don't always get to take the path I would like but I know I will reach my goals some day it just might be later than I would have liked, but getting there none the less will prove that you can beat anxiety.