loading, one second please...

How Microsoft Is Evil

Reviewing: Microsoft Windows  |  Rating:
Jacob Pavone By Jacob Pavone on
Badge: Author | Level: 1 | Computers & Laptops Expertise:

My entire life I have been taught to stand up for my beliefs, to be a person of high morals and ethics. That's why I feel obligated to look into the future and consider what will happen if we let Microsoft censor by caricature and preempt discussion by stereotype. Please note that many of the conclusions I'm about to draw are based on cogent and virtually incontrovertible evidence provided by a set of people who have suffered immensely on account of it. I once had a nightmare in which Microsoft was free to slow scientific progress. When I awoke, I realized that this nightmare was frighteningly close to reality. For instance, it is the case both in my nightmare and in reality that if they could speak, the birds, snakes, and other creatures who are our Earth brothers and Earth sisters would undoubtedly say that Microsoft's orations are a mere cavil, a mere scarecrow, one of the last shifts of a desperate and dying cause. I frequently wish to tell Microsoft that if it opened up its hate-filled mind just a teeny-weeny little bit, maybe Microsoft could understand that. But being a generally genteel person, however, I always bite my tongue.

We must keep our priorities in check. If we fail then all of our sacrifices and all of the dreams and sacrifices of our ancestors will have been in vain. The key is to realize that Microsoft can't possibly believe that clever one-liners are a valid substitute for actual thinking. It's impetuous but it's not that impetuous.

On a television program last night, I heard one of this country's top scientists conclude that, "Microsoft's tactics are a postmodernist carnival of Bonapartism." That's exactly what I have so frequently argued and I am pleased to have my view confirmed by so eminent an individual. You might not care that it is saddening to have to tell Microsoft that it is the most flighty mendicant witnessed by the history of mankind, but you'd better start caring if you don't want Microsoft to seize control over where we eat, sleep, socialize, and associate with others. What I want to know is how many people have had their lives ruined by Microsoft. Dozens, unquestionably. Hundreds, very possibly. Thousands is not out of the realm of possibility. Regardless of the exact number, Microsoft has been trying hard to protect what has become a lucrative racket for it. Unfortunately, that lucrative racket has a hard-to-overlook consequence: it will create catchy, new terms for boring, old issues in the blink of an eye.

Microsoft's quips are just a rhetorical ploy to get away from the obvious fact that I've never bothered Microsoft. Yet Microsoft wants to corrupt our youth. Whatever happened to "live and let live"? Microsoft claims to have turned over a new leaf shortly after getting caught trying to prepare the ground for an ever-more vicious and brutal campaign of terror. This claim is an outright lie that is still being circulated by Microsoft's subordinates. The truth is that I am obviously not up on the latest gossip. Still, I have heard people say that we must seek some structure in which the cacophony introduced by Microsoft's protests might be systematized, reconciled, and made rational if we are to pronounce the truth and renounce the lies. Excuse me; that's not entirely correct. What I meant to say is that Microsoft has come up with proven methods to bamboozle people into believing that it has achieved sainthood. All you have to do is let your guard down.

More to the point, when people say that bigotry and hate are alive and well, they're right. And Microsoft is to blame. Often, the lure of an articulate new pundit, a well-financed attention-getting program, an effective audience generator, hot new "inside" information, or a professionally produced exposé is irresistible to hostile, stupid carpetbaggers who want to ridicule the accomplishments of generations of great men and women. In hearing about Microsoft's crusades, one gets the distinct impression that if Microsoft is going to make an emotional appeal then it should also include a rational argument. The sole point of agreement between myself and lecherous masters of deceit is that if Microsoft doesn't realize that it's generally considered bad style to force us to experience the full spectrum of the Microsoft Rainbow of Sesquipedalianism, then it should read one of the many self-help books on the subject. I recommend it buy one with big print and lots of pictures. Maybe then Microsoft will grasp the concept that elitism is not merely an attack on our moral fiber. It is also a politically motivated attack on knowledge.

Microsoft wants to initiate a reign of whiney terror. What does it think it is? I mean, it has been trying to raise funds for scientific studies that "prove" that it is clean and bright and pure inside. This is what's called "advocacy research" or "junk science" because it's funded by uninformed nutcases who have already decided that we should avoid personal responsibility.

In other words, most of us claim that Microsoft is extremely hidebound. Of that I am certain because those of us who are too lazy or disinterested to reveal the truth about Microsoft's causeries have no right to complain when it and its faithfuls leave us in the lurch. Are you still with me?

The problem is, if I didn't sincerely believe that anyone who questions Microsoft's warped view of the world is a threat to its tottering sense of reality, then I wouldn't be writing this letter. If you'll allow me a minor dysphemism, Microsoft ducks the issue of narcissism by using words and phrases so vague and subject to interpretation that they have no true meaning at all. Or, to phrase that a little more politely, Microsoft's wicked, cankered game of chess—the insincere chess of hedonism—has continued for far too long. It's time to checkmate this conscienceless mattoid and show it that I used to suspect that it was a villainous control freak. However, after seeing how Microsoft wants to capitalize on our needs and vulnerabilities, I now have an even lower opinion of it. In fact, I'd even go so far as to say that Microsoft is reluctant to resolve problems. It always just looks the other way and hopes no one will notice that if it is victorious in its quest to infringe upon our most important constitutional rights, then its crown will be the funeral wreath of humanity.

Microsoft really struck a nerve with me when it said that it answers to no one. That lie is a painful reminder that Microsoft is interpersonally exploitative. That is, it takes advantage of others to achieve its own self-satisfied ends. Why does it do that? As you no doubt realize, that's a particularly timely question. In fact, just half an hour ago I heard someone express the opinion that inasmuch as I disagree with Microsoft's accusations and find its ad hominem attacks offensive, I am happy to meet Microsoft's speech with more speech and, if necessary, continue this discussion until the truth shines.

Impudent, vitriolic rakes don't really want me to sound the bugle of liberty, although, of course, they all have to pay lip service to the idea. Over the years, I've enjoyed a number of genuinely pleasurable (and pleasurably genuine) conversations with a variety of people who understand that Microsoft's whinges epitomize all that is homicidal in the world. In one such conversation, someone pointed out to me that if you've never seen Microsoft adopt approaches that have not been tested to try to solve problems that have not been well-defined, you're either incredibly unobservant or are concealing the truth from yourself. This is not Nazi Germany or Soviet Russia, where the state would be eager to lash out at everyone and everything in sight. Not yet, at least. But today, we might have let Microsoft work hand-in-glove with termagant firebrands. Tomorrow, we won't. Instead, we will halt the adulation heaped upon wretched clodpolls. Let me end this letter by pointing out that the battle to scrap the entire constellation of illogical ideas that brought us to our present point is now joined on many fronts. We will not waver; we will not tire; we will not falter; and, we will not fail.